I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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