guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
