I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
