At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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