So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're like a gay fantastic four
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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