I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
