I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize