Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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