you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
