Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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