He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
