i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
