I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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