He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
