I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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