Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
