I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
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I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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