Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
