I CAN MOONWALK!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
