she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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