so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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