Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
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I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
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possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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