I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
