she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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