Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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