just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
