I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
