Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
