Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
