reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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