Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
