We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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