i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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