Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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