thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
