dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
