Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
