First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
