You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I have already put on my inside pants.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
