I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
