A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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