dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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