wrigley field is MILF paradise
too bad you live with your parents still
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
