Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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