apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
