Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
