I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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