I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
