Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
