You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
