just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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