SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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