Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
