it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
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