even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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