i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
