Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
