you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
