Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
