also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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