shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
