Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
