i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
