thus making me awesome and them whores
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
