i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
