R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
