She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
