She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
