Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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