Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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