her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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