How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
