id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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