I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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