It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm just crazy horny about you
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
