She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
