why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
